Days without Dom

The day that immediately followed after Dom's departure wasn't well. I used to think I was strong enough to let him go pursue his dreams. After all, the main role of the other half should be to provide support and love to push you to achieve and to cushion your falls. Yet I feel that I failed in that. On the surface, I tried so hard to want him go enjoy his trip, his experience of a lifetime. Deep inside, I was upset about his trip with another girl only.

The first day I suffered depression. The second day was better after Dom tried so hard to find a cybercafe to explain the situation over his side. The third day which is today, I broke down again just from a mere photo of him being so close to the other gal, which he claimed they were not close.
I was upset from the fact that that photo showed nothing except their faces seemingly sticking to each other. I was upset that this was often our most intimate shot together, and he did the same with another girl. That felt like our pictures were not special anymore. I sensed no difference, but Dom told me the difference was that he loved me, but he do not love the girl. Should I be happier after hearing that? When you do not love her, yet still can do such an intimate shot, be it the girl using her camera to take the picture, you allowed her to do so as well.

The picture was later taken down, but the damage was done. The heartache was there. The argument he defended himself was I was physically close but not mentally close to her. Sigh~ I felt like I was tearing myself apart, with two personalities fighting inside me - one telling me just open one eye, close one eye, let him do what he felt right, the other one was like my boyfriend wasn't even considering my feelings when the photo was taken. His friend defended that he felt obliged to the girl to take that photo when she was his traveling mate, but really what obligations does my boyfriend owe her? I know I was easily jealous and still is, but I tried to control my negative feelings by distancing myself. I don't wish to add additional stress or pressure to your already stressed period overseas, what should I do? The time zone difference also meant that while I can be still upset, it was time for you to sleep. While I upset till I cannot sleep, you will be busy till cannot entertain me at all. Sigh~ so much for understanding.

Forgiving and moving on, I played badminton with his friends in the late afternoon. The court beside my house was too windy and so we moved to another court. At first it was the glaring Sun made it difficult to spot the shuttlecock. After when we played for a while, one racket's strings torn and Jon put on the cover and continued playing despite strong air resistance. Some time later, a group of kids asked to join in the game. I have only 4 rackets (2 good ones and 2 lousier ones, incl the chui one), Dom's friends came so far just to play badminton so was not very nice to ask them let the kids play. The kids asked like three to four times whether they can join in to play. I was hesitating because of previous experience (table tennis session same thing happened and not very pleasant), and because of the mindset that one must learn to share and that it was better to brighten someone's day than to spoil it. I gave up the good racket I am holding, thus the kid joined in. They were even passing my racket around, pushing who should go first when the friends were waiting for them to continue the game.

Anyway, the kids do not really know how to play but yet they tried their best to enjoy the game. Dom's friends also went very easy with them, kind of defeat our purpose of exercising but then, they are just kids, so we should be good examples to teach them to share?

The game continued for a very long time, we were taking more turns to rotate than the kids. One simply played very long and the rest watched on. Even when someone hurried the kid to go off for some activity, the kid refused to leave the game. Eventually after a lot of persuasion then that kid passed on my racket to the next kid. The vicious cycle continued. Eventually, the kids made us passed three rackets to them. The only friend in there playing was not even getting much shots since they were like playing among themselves. All their moves were not very correct and when I tried to correct them, they just said "forget" and preservered their stubborn ways. One even tried to teach me, I was like "he is just a kid". For one thing, I never tried hitting many times despite the fact that I can reach the shuttle cock was because he was in the way and I was scared of hitting him. He blocked me from hitting and keep missing too, quite frustrating. I guessed my limit was reached when I told them a number of times not to scratch the racket on the floor and they still do, saying that was how they treated their own rackets. They were holding the good rackets (both of them). They despised the lousier ones and did not know how to treasure other people's items. What can I say? Kids... can I have the rackets back? My friends wanted to play too. One was like so relieved "Ah I was feeling very tired." I was thinking then why did you not give up your racket? The other was like "Why I have to give up kind?", giving me that very reluctant look. We ended the game then and returned to my house to play Uno stacko. :D Much happier I supposed. Haha, Zong keep crashing the tower of blocks.

We had dinner at the marketplace after I checked if my Dear dear Dom went online. He was still sleeping, so we left for dinner. A day just went by, one less day to seeing Dom again?