Wednesday, January 6, 2010
38 mins past the time you promised
A song which you sent me the lyrics long ago, during a time when we were both upset.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Current feelings
The paragraph of the song said it all. How to get used to life of a single when I have been attached for so long? Though was not like we broke up or what, the mere thought of us being so far apart in time and space generated all these emotions and thoughts described in the song.
We have really been through so many happy and sad moments. Many a time, without me having speak what is on my mind, you would have know what I was thinking - that was really a close bond we shared after about 6yrs 9mths of hard work. The video (not done by me) has the lyrics meanings translated in English, so hope you will enjoy watching.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Days without Dom
The day that immediately followed after Dom's departure wasn't well. I used to think I was strong enough to let him go pursue his dreams. After all, the main role of the other half should be to provide support and love to push you to achieve and to cushion your falls. Yet I feel that I failed in that. On the surface, I tried so hard to want him go enjoy his trip, his experience of a lifetime. Deep inside, I was upset about his trip with another girl only.
The first day I suffered depression. The second day was better after Dom tried so hard to find a cybercafe to explain the situation over his side. The third day which is today, I broke down again just from a mere photo of him being so close to the other gal, which he claimed they were not close.
I was upset from the fact that that photo showed nothing except their faces seemingly sticking to each other. I was upset that this was often our most intimate shot together, and he did the same with another girl. That felt like our pictures were not special anymore. I sensed no difference, but Dom told me the difference was that he loved me, but he do not love the girl. Should I be happier after hearing that? When you do not love her, yet still can do such an intimate shot, be it the girl using her camera to take the picture, you allowed her to do so as well.
The picture was later taken down, but the damage was done. The heartache was there. The argument he defended himself was I was physically close but not mentally close to her. Sigh~ I felt like I was tearing myself apart, with two personalities fighting inside me - one telling me just open one eye, close one eye, let him do what he felt right, the other one was like my boyfriend wasn't even considering my feelings when the photo was taken. His friend defended that he felt obliged to the girl to take that photo when she was his traveling mate, but really what obligations does my boyfriend owe her? I know I was easily jealous and still is, but I tried to control my negative feelings by distancing myself. I don't wish to add additional stress or pressure to your already stressed period overseas, what should I do? The time zone difference also meant that while I can be still upset, it was time for you to sleep. While I upset till I cannot sleep, you will be busy till cannot entertain me at all. Sigh~ so much for understanding.
Forgiving and moving on, I played badminton with his friends in the late afternoon. The court beside my house was too windy and so we moved to another court. At first it was the glaring Sun made it difficult to spot the shuttlecock. After when we played for a while, one racket's strings torn and Jon put on the cover and continued playing despite strong air resistance. Some time later, a group of kids asked to join in the game. I have only 4 rackets (2 good ones and 2 lousier ones, incl the chui one), Dom's friends came so far just to play badminton so was not very nice to ask them let the kids play. The kids asked like three to four times whether they can join in to play. I was hesitating because of previous experience (table tennis session same thing happened and not very pleasant), and because of the mindset that one must learn to share and that it was better to brighten someone's day than to spoil it. I gave up the good racket I am holding, thus the kid joined in. They were even passing my racket around, pushing who should go first when the friends were waiting for them to continue the game.
Anyway, the kids do not really know how to play but yet they tried their best to enjoy the game. Dom's friends also went very easy with them, kind of defeat our purpose of exercising but then, they are just kids, so we should be good examples to teach them to share?
The game continued for a very long time, we were taking more turns to rotate than the kids. One simply played very long and the rest watched on. Even when someone hurried the kid to go off for some activity, the kid refused to leave the game. Eventually after a lot of persuasion then that kid passed on my racket to the next kid. The vicious cycle continued. Eventually, the kids made us passed three rackets to them. The only friend in there playing was not even getting much shots since they were like playing among themselves. All their moves were not very correct and when I tried to correct them, they just said "forget" and preservered their stubborn ways. One even tried to teach me, I was like "he is just a kid". For one thing, I never tried hitting many times despite the fact that I can reach the shuttle cock was because he was in the way and I was scared of hitting him. He blocked me from hitting and keep missing too, quite frustrating. I guessed my limit was reached when I told them a number of times not to scratch the racket on the floor and they still do, saying that was how they treated their own rackets. They were holding the good rackets (both of them). They despised the lousier ones and did not know how to treasure other people's items. What can I say? Kids... can I have the rackets back? My friends wanted to play too. One was like so relieved "Ah I was feeling very tired." I was thinking then why did you not give up your racket? The other was like "Why I have to give up kind?", giving me that very reluctant look. We ended the game then and returned to my house to play Uno stacko. :D Much happier I supposed. Haha, Zong keep crashing the tower of blocks.
We had dinner at the marketplace after I checked if my Dear dear Dom went online. He was still sleeping, so we left for dinner. A day just went by, one less day to seeing Dom again?
The first day I suffered depression. The second day was better after Dom tried so hard to find a cybercafe to explain the situation over his side. The third day which is today, I broke down again just from a mere photo of him being so close to the other gal, which he claimed they were not close.
I was upset from the fact that that photo showed nothing except their faces seemingly sticking to each other. I was upset that this was often our most intimate shot together, and he did the same with another girl. That felt like our pictures were not special anymore. I sensed no difference, but Dom told me the difference was that he loved me, but he do not love the girl. Should I be happier after hearing that? When you do not love her, yet still can do such an intimate shot, be it the girl using her camera to take the picture, you allowed her to do so as well.
The picture was later taken down, but the damage was done. The heartache was there. The argument he defended himself was I was physically close but not mentally close to her. Sigh~ I felt like I was tearing myself apart, with two personalities fighting inside me - one telling me just open one eye, close one eye, let him do what he felt right, the other one was like my boyfriend wasn't even considering my feelings when the photo was taken. His friend defended that he felt obliged to the girl to take that photo when she was his traveling mate, but really what obligations does my boyfriend owe her? I know I was easily jealous and still is, but I tried to control my negative feelings by distancing myself. I don't wish to add additional stress or pressure to your already stressed period overseas, what should I do? The time zone difference also meant that while I can be still upset, it was time for you to sleep. While I upset till I cannot sleep, you will be busy till cannot entertain me at all. Sigh~ so much for understanding.
Forgiving and moving on, I played badminton with his friends in the late afternoon. The court beside my house was too windy and so we moved to another court. At first it was the glaring Sun made it difficult to spot the shuttlecock. After when we played for a while, one racket's strings torn and Jon put on the cover and continued playing despite strong air resistance. Some time later, a group of kids asked to join in the game. I have only 4 rackets (2 good ones and 2 lousier ones, incl the chui one), Dom's friends came so far just to play badminton so was not very nice to ask them let the kids play. The kids asked like three to four times whether they can join in to play. I was hesitating because of previous experience (table tennis session same thing happened and not very pleasant), and because of the mindset that one must learn to share and that it was better to brighten someone's day than to spoil it. I gave up the good racket I am holding, thus the kid joined in. They were even passing my racket around, pushing who should go first when the friends were waiting for them to continue the game.
Anyway, the kids do not really know how to play but yet they tried their best to enjoy the game. Dom's friends also went very easy with them, kind of defeat our purpose of exercising but then, they are just kids, so we should be good examples to teach them to share?
The game continued for a very long time, we were taking more turns to rotate than the kids. One simply played very long and the rest watched on. Even when someone hurried the kid to go off for some activity, the kid refused to leave the game. Eventually after a lot of persuasion then that kid passed on my racket to the next kid. The vicious cycle continued. Eventually, the kids made us passed three rackets to them. The only friend in there playing was not even getting much shots since they were like playing among themselves. All their moves were not very correct and when I tried to correct them, they just said "forget" and preservered their stubborn ways. One even tried to teach me, I was like "he is just a kid". For one thing, I never tried hitting many times despite the fact that I can reach the shuttle cock was because he was in the way and I was scared of hitting him. He blocked me from hitting and keep missing too, quite frustrating. I guessed my limit was reached when I told them a number of times not to scratch the racket on the floor and they still do, saying that was how they treated their own rackets. They were holding the good rackets (both of them). They despised the lousier ones and did not know how to treasure other people's items. What can I say? Kids... can I have the rackets back? My friends wanted to play too. One was like so relieved "Ah I was feeling very tired." I was thinking then why did you not give up your racket? The other was like "Why I have to give up kind?", giving me that very reluctant look. We ended the game then and returned to my house to play Uno stacko. :D Much happier I supposed. Haha, Zong keep crashing the tower of blocks.
We had dinner at the marketplace after I checked if my Dear dear Dom went online. He was still sleeping, so we left for dinner. A day just went by, one less day to seeing Dom again?
Friday, January 1, 2010
Before Dom left for United States (Promises)
This is another backlog. After Dom left, I think I have been quite hardworking on my blog. :p
An entry about the things we did before he left, promise to cook for me finally fulfilled after like 5yrs of waiting and my anticipated trip to Changi Boardwalk. :D
Dom Dom in my house kitchen, cooking potato patties and lemongrass chicken shrimp (from here) without lemongrass and with shrimp being replaced by big prawns.
The total damage of the 2 dishes came up to $45.20!!. The prawns taking a huge portion of the cost, being that Dom cannot find cooked shrimps ($7.95) so he bought a box of frozen big prawns ($28.90). Oh well, in any case, we just used a portion of the prawns. He cannot find lemongrass, neither do I know where to get it, so we skipped that ingredient. Oh, Dom also replaced big onions with small onions with the fact he don't like onions at all so the smaller the better. He never buy any spring onions because he don't like that as well. >.<
The taste was quite nice, and smelled yummy. A very good start for someone who cooked for the first time.
Great job, Dear dear.
Changi Boardwalk
Starting off with our plan, we saw the map and I was quite greedy, wanting to explore the whole of the Boardwalk. There were 2 routes, both also very long. Dom estimated the time for the whole walk will probably be 2 hrs for each route. I estimated our bus journey via no.2 will be 2 hrs as well. Ended up we overestimated the time for the entire trip. We will reached there, according to plan, at about 1pm, to have lunch at Changi village. We should set off our first route at about 2pm (the route around the buildings) and finished at about 4pm, to take a short break (1/2hr) and by the time we set off on the 2nd route (along the coast) should be late afternoon to evening hence should be very cooling and filled with nice scenery of sunset. Upon finishing, we shall have dinner at Changi village again.
Overestimated bus trip let us reach at 12pm instead of 1pm. Our lunch ended at about 1pm. The first part of the journey ended at 1:47pm. Even taking a short break, we were very well ahead of schedule. Before 2pm we embarked on the 2nd route. We finished at about 3pm. How to eat dinner at that time? We just have some snack and moved on to go Suntec city, stopping by National Library for my toilet break and Bras Basah Complex to check out some books.
An entry about the things we did before he left, promise to cook for me finally fulfilled after like 5yrs of waiting and my anticipated trip to Changi Boardwalk. :D
Dom Dom in my house kitchen, cooking potato patties and lemongrass chicken shrimp (from here) without lemongrass and with shrimp being replaced by big prawns.The total damage of the 2 dishes came up to $45.20!!. The prawns taking a huge portion of the cost, being that Dom cannot find cooked shrimps ($7.95) so he bought a box of frozen big prawns ($28.90). Oh well, in any case, we just used a portion of the prawns. He cannot find lemongrass, neither do I know where to get it, so we skipped that ingredient. Oh, Dom also replaced big onions with small onions with the fact he don't like onions at all so the smaller the better. He never buy any spring onions because he don't like that as well. >.<
The taste was quite nice, and smelled yummy. A very good start for someone who cooked for the first time.Great job, Dear dear.
Changi Boardwalk
Starting off with our plan, we saw the map and I was quite greedy, wanting to explore the whole of the Boardwalk. There were 2 routes, both also very long. Dom estimated the time for the whole walk will probably be 2 hrs for each route. I estimated our bus journey via no.2 will be 2 hrs as well. Ended up we overestimated the time for the entire trip. We will reached there, according to plan, at about 1pm, to have lunch at Changi village. We should set off our first route at about 2pm (the route around the buildings) and finished at about 4pm, to take a short break (1/2hr) and by the time we set off on the 2nd route (along the coast) should be late afternoon to evening hence should be very cooling and filled with nice scenery of sunset. Upon finishing, we shall have dinner at Changi village again.
Overestimated bus trip let us reach at 12pm instead of 1pm. Our lunch ended at about 1pm. The first part of the journey ended at 1:47pm. Even taking a short break, we were very well ahead of schedule. Before 2pm we embarked on the 2nd route. We finished at about 3pm. How to eat dinner at that time? We just have some snack and moved on to go Suntec city, stopping by National Library for my toilet break and Bras Basah Complex to check out some books.
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